The Science of Forgiveness…

Forgiving ourselves and forgiving others has real world effects. So much so that it has been studied in the fields of psychiatry, psychology, spirituality and somatic healing. While forgiving others by pardoning their impact is powerful, the process of forgiving ourselves is crucial to our wellbeing. Self forgiveness is a process of acknowledging and releasing self blame, regret and negative emotions associated with our own mistakes and transgressions.

Research shows a significant decrease in anxiety and depression levels through the action of self forgiveness, research also shows a higher level of self esteem and a positive self concept. These results are founded in a psychological and physiological process that involves shifting our nervous system from a reactive and stressed state into a more regulated and responsive state. Forgiveness is a personal process, an inner event that results in the release of stressful stimuli on the nervous system from within, psychologically we have to have developed a more curious, open and positive mindset to be able to practice forgiveness. This is the fundamentals of the shift we see scientifically following the process of self forgiveness.

Research also shows physical health benefits through the practice of forgiveness including lower stress levels and improved cardiovascular measures. In other words, forgiveness is a heart healing process of becoming present in our nervous system. In contrast, the presence and activity of stored shame, blame, self judgement, regrets and self disgust create tension in our bodies and minds and once activated, regardless of whether we are conscious of it or not, create thoughts and the neurological generation of thoughts create chemicals and those chemicals travel through the body. These chemicals change receptors, cause inflammation and higher levels of acidity. We wear it all in our body and our mindset reflects the tension.

The process of self forgiveness includes creating an attitude of openness, of looking to our judgements and shame talk with curiosity. These emotions can be triggering and difficult to be with, in fact, most of our most important work lies in the very things we avoid in ourselves. However, if we can create some space in our nervous system to be able to be with these difficult emotions we can begin to understand them, where they come from and then apply self compassion, acceptance and practices of emotional regulation.

Self forgiveness methods include:

• Practice self compassion

  To be human is to be imperfect, forgive yourself for not reaching your own intense expectations. Always approach yourself and talk to yourself like you would talk to a child or to someone you love when they are going through something hard. Imagine you are with your best friend and imagine what they would say to you if you told them how you were feeling.

• Acknowledge and Learn from Mistakes

  Accept that you have made a mistake or acted in a way that goes against your values and integrity. Denying or minimizing your actions only prolongs the guilt and shame. acknowledging is the first step toward growth.

• Release negative emotions

  Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions, recognise and feel them in your body, place your hands on these parts and breathe. Utilise somatic therapy to release emotions and utilise neuro emotional technique to release emotions stored in the body. See a professional for this.

• Challenge negative self talk

  Notice the way you talk to yourself about the guilt and mistakes. Challenge this self talk with realistic questions - Is this really the best way to approach this situation? Is this harsh self criticism going to get me anywhere? Is this story the whole story? Its time to see these inner challenges as opportunities for growth and with that we have the responsibility to challenge negative self talk.

• Build a positive mindset of growth and opportunity

  Shift your focus from guilt and shame to growth by creating a vision for who you want to be. Focus on this vision and your steps towards growing into this person.

• Practice mindfulness

  Meditation, yoga, breathwork and somatic therapies help you to be more present in your body and more present in the moment. This presence allows for more space in your nervous system for processing. This space also provides you with time living in the reality and not in your past self judgements.

• Seek forgiveness from others

  If your actions have hurt others, consider seeking forgiveness for your mistakes. Apologise sincerely and take responsibility for your actions. While forgiveness is not guaranteed, the act of seeking forgiveness is a powerful step in your healing journey.

• Set realistic expectations

  Mistakes are a natural part of life. When we first practice self forgiveness it is common to feel like we are giving up. Being perfect and having the right outcome all the time leaves no room for growth or flexibility in life, Remember, it’s the journey ad not the outcome that matters.

• Focus on where you’re going

  Create regular practices that set you on the right track and keep you from completely absolving yourself into your negative self talk. Set up a routine of meditation, journaling, fun and connection. This helps to create the balance while you do the work.

• Get professional help

  This is paramount to healing.

  A professional can guide you to the parts of us that we avoid. Avoidance is a natural protective mechanism against emotional pain. Shame and regret and all the stored negative emotions are extremely painful, the process of letting go of these and seeing ourselves in a new light can come with real vulnerability. Working with a therapist helps us to see what we don’t want to see, admit what is impossible to say and then set us on a path to become who we ultimately desire to be. Psychotherapy is our number one recommendation for practicing and learning self forgiveness.

  Perhaps it’s time for you to lighten up on yourself, do some work to release negative emotions and be more aligned with your truth. Maybe you’re dealing with real life and health challenges and would like to work on the underlying themes in your nervous system to release and clear and lighten the load. The work of self forgiveness has profound health outcomes and is a portal to becoming a more aligned and positive person and it is accessible for everyone. You deserve forgiveness and you deserve to truly live your life as a more whole being.